[doc.]

>>> > One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
>>> > very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do
>>> > anything you
>> want."
>>> >
>>> > So he tied her up and went golfing.
>>> >
>>> > **************************************************
>>> >
>>> > A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran
>>> > into
>> the
>>> > house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
>>> > "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
>>> >
>>> > The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
>> mountain
>>> > stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
>>> >
>>> > **************************************************
>>> >
>>> > Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
>>> > the other is a husband.
>>> >
>>> > **************************************************
>>> >
>>> > A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
>>> >
>>> > First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician
>>> > showed him a card with the letters:
>>> > 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
>>> >
>>> > "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
>>> >
>>> > "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
>>> >
>>> > **************************************************
>>> > Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
>>> >
>>> > "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the
>>> > convent."
>>> >
>>> > "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
>>> > chardonnay."
>>> >
>>> > **************************************************
>>> > A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>>> >
>>> > Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
>>> >
>>> > "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
>>> > You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM
>>> > NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE
> BUTTER?
>>> > They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You
>>> > NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
>>> > Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.
>>> > You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT!
> THE SALT!"
>>> > The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
>>> > think
>> I
>>> > don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
>>> >
>>> > The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it
>>> > feels
>> like
>>> > when I'm driving."