i like this better than the last one
It is better lit and more dynamic. I think the concept of the last one was good, it just did not seem to hang together.
One thing this one does have in common with the last is the expression on her face. It looks like she is about to have a nasty accident if you don't get a move on, and it might be an idea to encourage your models in at least some of the shots you do to just laugh or look happy/surprised/amused, or just anything except like this 'am I bovverd?'