lol sawdust!
Fi, I will go along with your request, and do not boast to be able to do it any better but....
The lighting for me is not right. It looks lit only directly from the front (or slightly to the right), creating a light patch in the middle, and a horrid dark shadow behind, whilst removing any warmth from the skin because the camera is WB-ing for the flash / light (?).
You have to light from the side for this kind of image IMO, or at least, not from straight on in front. Perhaps a higher angle or side light, with a diffuser of some kind, but I know you probably don't have all that studio kit!
Also as others have mentioned, she looks a little vexed and uncomfortable, not with you, but at the fact of being in front of the camera. You have also cut her hands off, which really doesn't help for lead-ins or just aesthetics.
Another thing, which relates sort of to the thing about the lighting, is the 'black to blue' issue. If you look, the background (which I assume is black) and her dress, have both gone a kind of blue colour due to the harsh light. This is yet another reason not to use the built in flash, and not to use a direct lighting system. I use table lamps and a tripod! They tend to have much warmer bulbs and you can often direct the heads they have on them, they just aren't as powerful as 'real' lights.
Finally, I know you said about the limited space, but you really have to have that background out of the picture (excuse the pun
), it's far too prominent, and is too crumpled and mish-mash looking to work properly. I'd have used a narrow DOF (if possible), or just tried to move somewhere else. Or, if all else failed, then blur it subtly in PS.
Sorry to be so mean, and anyone please tell me if I have gone over the top or above my 'status', but you did ask.....
