<Climbs up on to same soapbox as Fi.... so don't you dare argue with me or you get her to face
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I am sick to death of hearing: (NOT on here I might add!)
'Leave them alone, they have to learn for themselves' - NO THEY DON'T, they have to be TAUGHT!
'He's just a kid!' - Yes, like every adult since the beginning of the world was once upon a time! Since when did it become an excuse for abusing people and all the rest of it?
'Smacking is telling a child it's ok to beat people!' - RIDICULOUS! Smacking is smacking, beating is beating and there is a huge gulf between the two! Some people need to learn that these two words are NOT synonyms!
It's down to the teachers at school.' - Is it hell! It is down to the parents first and foremost. If the parents don't give their children 5 years of loving discipline before they send them off to school, they sure as hell are not about to find it when they get there! If the parents don't give the teachers 100% support then their children will play them off against each other and will always 'win'.
'They do it because they're bored.' - Nonsense, they do it because they can't be bothered to find their own entertainment. Yes, we need youth clubs, absolutely, and I help as a leader at one which is extremely well attended. And do you know why we have on average double the attendance of any other youth club nearby? Because we have
RULES. If you come in and start abusing other kids or the leaders, you are banned. We don't allow smoking, drinking or swearing. Children are not allowed to bring their own refreshments (we've caught far too many bottles of coke with vodka in them to fall for that one!) but we sell them at cost price. Children don't want to get banned because they enjoy coming along. If they do get banned, their parents get a letter explaining WHY they got banned, how long the ban lasts and a contact number if they would like to phone and discuss it. We have have many an angry parent on the phone but have NEVER had a parent still angry (at least with us!) when they have put the phone down!
'Children should listen and do as they're told!' you might be surprised that I put that one as something I hate hearing! But kids have to know they have someone who will listen. They also have to know that they are free to question something so that they know there is a reason behind what they have been told. Communication is vital at any age and kids must have access to adults who will listen, be reasonable and when necessary, be prepared to say no!
I do not advocate boot camps and harsh regimes. They don't work. But neither do I advocate a softly softly approach that gives children unclear signals as to what they are allowed to do or not. I DO advocate strong discipline because children are NOT adults. They are adults in training. They need help to develop their own ideas and personalities in a world where they must integrate with others. They have rights but those do not include all the rights that an adult has. Rights have to be earnt and parents must have the inalienable right to be the primary carers for their children, not social workers who haven't even got kids telling parents what to do!
YES, children are angrier than in the past, they ARE less disciplined, they ARE less respectful of others, especially adults.
But they are NOT beyond hope, they are not terrors, they are people who those who have gone before them are letting down. We are now getting second generation insecure people, a terrible place to be. We have insecure young people who have grown into insecure young adults and out of those same insecurities have come young mothers who were too afraid to say no to a guy because they thought saying yes meant the bloke would love them!
We have more single parent families than ever before and many of those single parents are often doing a damned fine job of bringing up their children. But some are not because they have no idea HOW to be parents. They haven't had a role model themselves so how on earth can they know that bringing up a child takes a lot more than feeding it and clothing it?
Let's not give up on our young people, let's show them that they are valued, nurture them and support them as they grow. BUT give them time to grow and don't thrust adulthood on them before they are ready. Until then, let them be children, young people under caring discipline who will grow up to be well-adjusted adults who will say thank you that you cared enough to discipline them
<falls down off soapbox after a hefty shove from Fi
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Cheers,
Rob