I know what *really* happened on the titanic...and it went something like this :
Captain : "And this, my love, is the bridge of the infamous Titanic"
Woman : "OOoooh, would you mind if I had a quick go?"
And the rest is history....
GFK, I've been through depression, still going through it I suppose, but I was signed off work in Feb 04 with depression, while I was working for the BBC.
My wife was pregnant with our second too, but it had gotten to the point, where all I did was come home from work, walk straight into the bedroom and shut the door, and sat at my PC. If my wife or daughter (then 4) wanted to speak to me, I'd grimace, I couldn't even face talking to my own family.
I'm not sure why, I just didn't want anyone near me, not even my nearest and dearest. I constantly used to dread going to work, the thought of it would make me burst into tears, and when there, all I could do was think about coming home...just to be at home.... I didn't even want to take any interest in the pregnancy. Just wasn't bothered. Not in malicious way, just no interest whatsoever, no motivation, no fire inside me....
Ironically it was a very good workmate of mine at the time, (kinda like a motherly figure), who said to me "Oi..its not lazyness, it's depression...GET to the doctors. There's nothing to be ashamed of".
That, and once I'd been to the doc, a friend from another internet forum who helped me, if you like, come to term with having depression.
As may state, there is still a stigma attached to depression. I was just worried of being accused of being lazy because I didn't want to do anything, nor had any motivation, but the words from a friend from another photography forum I was a member of at the time, stuck in my head and still do to this day.
"If it was a broken leg, then would anyone have a problem with it? So why, just because it's your head that's broken, should anyone have a problem with it? Just because the break isn't visible, doesn't mean it's any less real".
He was also suffering from anxiety and depression too, so words of experience I suppose, but it was those words that helped me come to terms with it.
After being off work for 5 months and messed around and basically s**t on by my employers, with no way out, I felt I was forced to hand my notice in, just so I didn't have to face work anymore with sicknotes etc.
The weight off my shoulders was enormous. By this time though, the second brand of tablets were working (the first lot didn't), and I'd had a 3 of my 6 sessions of CBT, which I'd then cancelled as I felt I didn't need it (I regret that now but thats another story)...
Our son was born a month after handing my notice in, and when the time came for my wife to return to work from maternity 3 months later, she wasn't planning to at first (the plan was for me to get a job), we basically agreed that she already had one, so why didn't we give stay at home dad a try?
So we did, and here we are. I love it.
I still get the occasional crappy day, but that's not depression (not usually), that's sometimes boredom or something else...I can tell the difference now...
If I feel bad, I look for a reason, and can usually find a cause for that emotion.
It's when there is no visible cause for it that it becomes a problem.
Sorry, I've waffled on there, but I wanted GFK (and anyone else reading), that even when the times are really crap, there IS still light at the end of the tunnel, and I hope if anyone can get anything from my experience then that's great.
GFK, If you wanna sound off, then PM me for my MSN address
I found it easy talking to someone who knew the score. Sometimes just talking rubbish helped.
Regards