A sense of loss....

RobertP · 09-03-2006, 17:35

My mother died monday. Didn't quite make it to 88.

Only posting this really to explain why I am a bit subdued and maybe to get something off my chest.

She had a digestive problem that started at the end of last year and a dislike of doctors and hospitals so strong we could only get her to see a doctor once she was getting weak from being virtually unable to eat or drink. She was admitted 8 days before she died. Went in brave and alert and criticising the other old people as they were mostly suffering degrees of dementia and she had a sharp mind.

The hospital decided she had a heart problem and anemia so they ignored her stomach. Every day they told us another thing that was probably wrong with her and 2 days before the end pneumonia. They took her off her normal medicines and didn't appear to know what was really wrong. She started to get some pains after a few days laid up they gave her morphine. That was the beginning of the end. No treatment - 'lets see if she improves' - and a slow decline. If you are old and in hospital and they offer morphine I'd suggest you decline.

I'm not really bitter about it. She always missed my dad and had said she felt it was near her time. I just have a bitter taste from the manner of her passing.

There was an autopsy as the cause of death was unknown - Coroner came up with ischaemic (sp?) heart disease and said the stomach was not a factor and no pneumonia.

My business is behind me and I have free time. I planned to spend some of it improving my childhood home so mum would be more comfortable, but done slowly as she could not take disruption. Instead as executor I have to become a diy lawyer and set about selling it.

CT · 09-03-2006, 17:43

Sorry to hear that Robert. 88 is a pretty good innings, although we only have one mum in this world, so it's always going to leave a void in your life.

SammyC · 09-03-2006, 17:47

Yep, sorry to hear that mate.

RobertP · 09-03-2006, 17:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by CT

Sorry to hear that Robert. 88 is a pretty good innings, although we only have one mum in this world, so it's always going to leave a void in your life.

I can cope with the void. Its the feeling that hospital treatment of the elderly (that she feared) took her away sooner rather than later I don't like.

Mike Aiken · 09-03-2006, 17:53

Hi Robert, very sorry to hear of the passing of your mom, Helen and my thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time.

Mike

jewel · 09-03-2006, 18:12

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss Robert.

Jewel

***Dave*** · 09-03-2006, 18:12

Sorry to hear this Robert.....just as you were turning a corner with your business. Can't really comment on the hospital treatment as I've recieved both excellent & poor experiences with my daughter in the last few years. The only consolation is your Mother had a great innings at 88, so you've managed to spend some quality time together in that period. Definitely sounds like she was strong willed.

Take care.

***Steve*** · 09-03-2006, 18:22

Sincere condolences, my thoughts are with you and your family.

Steep · 09-03-2006, 18:24

I feel for you Robert and I know what you mean about the morphine, my own mother died on April 17th last year but in truth the morphine took her away from us days before. I can't fault the treatment she got, in her case the drug really was a blessing and the staff were just fantastic, but I miss her.

Hugh

InaGlo · 09-03-2006, 18:27

Sorry to hear of your mother's passing.
Had a similar experience a few years ago with my father so I know the frustration & bitterness it leaves you with.
Of course the passing of time helps as does concentrating your thoughts on your loved one's life & not their passing. Im sure you already know that & its not much concellation to you at this moment in time.
Thinking of you.

minimeeze · 09-03-2006, 18:35

So sorry to hear about your loss. I know what you mean about elderly people being cared for in hospital - my mum went through the same thing with my gran who died (in hospital last year). It was so painful to watch her deteriorate the way she did. In the end, I just couldn't go to see her. You have my total empathy.

kamion · 09-03-2006, 18:36

Hi Robert,
Sorry to hear about your mother. And even more sorry to hear how the hospital failed her. It's true that doctors don't really know about anything and it's all a guessing game most of the time. But perhaps they could have listened more to your mother and her family about what you think is wrong with her rather than just "let's see if she improves". That just seems wrong.

My condolences.

Regards,
Kamion

**stepheno** · 09-03-2006, 18:48

Condolences Robert - keep the memories.

regards

Matty · 09-03-2006, 18:51

Sincere Condolences from me too Robert, all our thoughts are with you.

ed34 · 09-03-2006, 18:55

hi robert sincere condolences my thoughts are with you and your family

markgray · 09-03-2006, 19:49

very sorry for your loss Robert, deepest sympathies to you and your family.

Warspite · 09-03-2006, 19:56

My condolences to you and your family, just try to remember all the times you had.

ASH · 09-03-2006, 20:22

Sorry to hear about your loss Robert, my thoughts are with you and your family.

mfwild13 · 09-03-2006, 20:38

I am very sorry to hear your about your loss Robert and applaud your strength in discussing it here so soon.

I lost my dad five weeks ago and have a similar story about the medical care he didnt receive. He was only 66, didnt drink o

09-03-2006, 17:35	#1 (permalink)
RobertP Forum Regular Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Woodford Essex Posts: 841	A sense of loss.... My mother died monday. Didn't quite make it to 88. Only posting this really to explain why I am a bit subdued and maybe to get something off my chest. She had a digestive problem that started at the end of last year and a dislike of doctors and hospitals so strong we could only get her to see a doctor once she was getting weak from being virtually unable to eat or drink. She was admitted 8 days before she died. Went in brave and alert and criticising the other old people as they were mostly suffering degrees of dementia and she had a sharp mind. The hospital decided she had a heart problem and anemia so they ignored her stomach. Every day they told us another thing that was probably wrong with her and 2 days before the end pneumonia. They took her off her normal medicines and didn't appear to know what was really wrong. She started to get some pains after a few days laid up they gave her morphine. That was the beginning of the end. No treatment - 'lets see if she improves' - and a slow decline. If you are old and in hospital and they offer morphine I'd suggest you decline. I'm not really bitter about it. She always missed my dad and had said she felt it was near her time. I just have a bitter taste from the manner of her passing. There was an autopsy as the cause of death was unknown - Coroner came up with ischaemic (sp?) heart disease and said the stomach was not a factor and no pneumonia. My business is behind me and I have free time. I planned to spend some of it improving my childhood home so mum would be more comfortable, but done slowly as she could not take disruption. Instead as executor I have to become a diy lawyer and set about selling it. __________________ 20D. Kit lens. Canon 50mm 1.4. Sigma 150mm 2.8 macro. Tamron 28-75 XR Di. Canon 70-200 f4L . Canon 100-400L. 580EX.

09-03-2006, 17:43	#2 (permalink)
CT Feet under the table Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: West Mids UK Posts: 3,500	Sorry to hear that Robert. 88 is a pretty good innings, although we only have one mum in this world, so it's always going to leave a void in your life.

09-03-2006, 17:47	#3 (permalink)
SammyC Forum Regular Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Bristol Posts: 1,466	Yep, sorry to hear that mate.

09-03-2006, 17:53	#5 (permalink)
Mike Aiken Been here a while Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Birmingham Posts: 417	Hi Robert, very sorry to hear of the passing of your mom, Helen and my thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time. Mike

09-03-2006, 18:12	#6 (permalink)
jewel Forum Regular Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 1,133	I'm very sorry to hear about your loss Robert. Jewel

09-03-2006, 18:12	#7 (permalink)
*Dave* Pixalo Crew Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 14,818	Sorry to hear this Robert.....just as you were turning a corner with your business. Can't really comment on the hospital treatment as I've recieved both excellent & poor experiences with my daughter in the last few years. The only consolation is your Mother had a great innings at 88, so you've managed to spend some quality time together in that period. Definitely sounds like she was strong willed. Take care.

09-03-2006, 18:22	#8 (permalink)
*Steve* Pixalo Crew Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: An Englishman living in Germany Posts: 16,115	Sincere condolences, my thoughts are with you and your family.

09-03-2006, 18:24	#9 (permalink)
Steep Forum Regular Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Inverness Posts: 964	I feel for you Robert and I know what you mean about the morphine, my own mother died on April 17th last year but in truth the morphine took her away from us days before. I can't fault the treatment she got, in her case the drug really was a blessing and the staff were just fantastic, but I miss her. Hugh

09-03-2006, 18:27	#10 (permalink)
InaGlo Getting Comfy Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 145	Sorry to hear of your mother's passing. Had a similar experience a few years ago with my father so I know the frustration & bitterness it leaves you with. Of course the passing of time helps as does concentrating your thoughts on your loved one's life & not their passing. Im sure you already know that & its not much concellation to you at this moment in time. Thinking of you.

09-03-2006, 18:35	#11 (permalink)
minimeeze Forum Regular Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Aldershot, Hants Posts: 567	So sorry to hear about your loss. I know what you mean about elderly people being cared for in hospital - my mum went through the same thing with my gran who died (in hospital last year). It was so painful to watch her deteriorate the way she did. In the end, I just couldn't go to see her. You have my total empathy.

09-03-2006, 18:36	#12 (permalink)
kamion Getting Comfy Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 160	Hi Robert, Sorry to hear about your mother. And even more sorry to hear how the hospital failed her. It's true that doctors don't really know about anything and it's all a guessing game most of the time. But perhaps they could have listened more to your mother and her family about what you think is wrong with her rather than just "let's see if she improves". That just seems wrong. My condolences. Regards, Kamion

09-03-2006, 18:48	#13 (permalink)
stepheno Pixalo Crew Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 6,590	Condolences Robert - keep the memories. regards

09-03-2006, 18:51	#14 (permalink)
Matty Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: kings hill Posts: 5,269	Sincere Condolences from me too Robert, all our thoughts are with you.

09-03-2006, 18:55	#15 (permalink)
ed34 Getting Comfy Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: leominster Posts: 217	hi robert sincere condolences my thoughts are with you and your family

09-03-2006, 19:49	#16 (permalink)
markgray Getting Comfy Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Headley, Hants Posts: 118	very sorry for your loss Robert, deepest sympathies to you and your family.

09-03-2006, 19:56	#17 (permalink)
Warspite Feet under the table Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Newcastle Sunderland Middlesbrough (UK) Posts: 1,736	My condolences to you and your family, just try to remember all the times you had.

09-03-2006, 20:22	#18 (permalink)
ASH Getting Comfy Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 145	Sorry to hear about your loss Robert, my thoughts are with you and your family.

09-03-2006, 20:38	#19 (permalink)
mfwild13 Getting Comfy Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Leamington Spa Posts: 193	I am very sorry to hear your about your loss Robert and applaud your strength in discussing it here so soon. I lost my dad five weeks ago and have a similar story about the medical care he didnt receive. He was only 66, didnt drink o