Cats Vs Dogs

Madpup · 22-12-2005, 11:53

EXCERPT FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!

10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

12:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!

4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!

6:00 pm - OH BOY! PLAYING BALL! MY FAVOURITE!

6:30 pm - OH BOY! SLEEPING IN MY PEOPLES BED! MY FAVOURITE!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY

Day 183

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair, must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.
Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell
the food.
More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog
is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.
He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly.
I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait.

It is only a matter of time.......

dod · 22-12-2005, 12:19

excellent

noah · 22-12-2005, 13:41

lol, fantastic

***Steve*** · 22-12-2005, 13:53

See now I just know I am going to upset some people here but cats are very, very, very annoying. The thing that really makes me want to strangle everyone I could get my hands on (metaphorically speaking

) is when they decide to walk all over your clean car leaving footprints all the way up your bonnet, across the windscreen and onto your roof. They then sit there looking like they own the thing, leaving a scabby, smelly fur in a ball around the spot that they choose to bask in the sun from, then when you chase the ****ers off, they always run down your back window and across the boot to complete the paw print footpath so that you have to clean the whole car again.

For that reason alone I HATE CATS

SammyC · 22-12-2005, 14:04

They know this Steve, and that is why they do it.

GfK · 22-12-2005, 14:09

Quote:

For that reason alone I HATE CATS

I hate chavs, for the same reason.

***Steve*** · 22-12-2005, 14:15

What they sit on your car and leave paw prints over your bonnet, windows and boot?

digitalfailure · 22-12-2005, 14:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by GfK

I hate chavs, for the same reason.

Chavs sleep on the roof of your car

i think you need to try a little

on them

Cats are by far the best choice of household pet, far smarter than dogs, and much funnier too.

22-12-2005, 14:22

I love em

ASH · 22-12-2005, 18:00

I love my pussy.

***Dave*** · 22-12-2005, 18:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steve

What they sit on your car and leave paw prints over your bonnet, windows and boot?

Even worse when the missus had a Mini Cooper convertible with a blue hood & you see white cat on the roof......clawing !!!!!

. HATE Cats also

Arkady · 22-12-2005, 18:41

Cats are cool - dogs are just curry waiting to happen...

And before anyone asks, yes I have eaten a dog or two. In Africa, a long time ago.
It was yummy.

***Dave*** · 22-12-2005, 18:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arkady

Cats are cool

Actually they are quite warm............................... as a fur coat

Arkady · 22-12-2005, 18:44

Or a Davy Crockett hat... just coz I like them doesn't mean mine don't annoy me...
Car thing does my head in as well - I find that a large hammer on the paws does the trick...

Matty · 22-12-2005, 20:42

i love cats, great animals, dogs are just stoopid, cats KNOW, they know EVERYTHING One of mine waits till im mid wee before having a go at the bannister with the claws, any other time there is a small slap in it for her....

22-12-2005, 23:17

My cat seems to just not like the bedroom door open. If she's in the bedroom, and I shut it, she feels hungry. If she's asleep in the living room or something, and I shut it, she wants to go out. Naturally I'm sat in the bedroom next to the window.

And the door's of the type that it naturally falls open if you give it a gentle shove.