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Old 29-11-2005, 19:46   #1 (permalink)
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Condom joke!

Ok I stole this from another site but just for shits and giggles here goes.

A man and his 8 year old son walk into the drugstore. They just happen to walk by the condom display. The 8yr old boy says "Daddy what are these for?" The father replies, "Son, men use these to have safe sex." The boy replies with "yes daddy they tell me that in health class". The boy holds up a 3 pack and asks "Who uses these daddy?" Father says "those are for highschool boys, one for Friday,one for Saturday and one for Sunday. They walk along and the boy picks up a 6 pack and asks "who uses these daddy?" Father replies, "those are for college boys,2 for Friday,2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday. The boy finally picks up a 12 pack and with a huge smile on his face asks, "Who uses these daddy?" The father looks at his boy with a tear in his eye and says" Those are for married men son, 'ONE' for January, 'ONE' for February, ONE' for March.......:lol: :lol: :lol:


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Old 29-11-2005, 19:48   #2 (permalink)
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LOL...although I laughed as much at the phrase "shits & giggles" ....never heard it before
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Old 29-11-2005, 19:57   #3 (permalink)
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I'm not saying I'm lonely but I'm taking my box of condoms to the Antiques Roadshow...
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Old 29-11-2005, 20:02   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Those are for married men son, 'ONE' for January, 'ONE' for February, ONE' for March...
Once a month
Must be a sex mechanic.



Quote:
just for shits and giggles
Love it.

cameron
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Old 29-11-2005, 20:08   #5 (permalink)
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Lol
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Old 29-11-2005, 20:14   #6 (permalink)
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very good!

I like it when things make me smile!

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!
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Old 29-11-2005, 20:22   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gandhi
very good!

I like it when things make me smile!

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!
*wipes tea from keyboard* :eyesup:
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Old 29-11-2005, 20:31   #8 (permalink)
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Simple but true
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Old 29-11-2005, 20:33   #9 (permalink)
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always the best.

Another of my fav kids jokes....

What's brown and sticky?




A stick!
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Old 29-11-2005, 20:44   #10 (permalink)
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Thailand are doing away with Christmas lights this year..














They are hanging Glitter instead.. :lol:
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Old 29-11-2005, 22:30   #11 (permalink)
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I was going to tell you the one about the brick wall, but you'll never get over it. :lol:

Maybe i can build a career around this one.

Mike
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Old 30-11-2005, 00:28   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gandhi
always the best.

Another of my fav kids jokes....

What's brown and sticky?




A stick!
What's red and white?
Pink


What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Duuuuung.


What swings through the jungle and explodes?
A baboom


A white horse walks into a pub...
The barman says: "We've got a whisky named after you ..."
The horse says: "What.......Eric?"


Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot


What twelve letter word begins with "N", ends with "N" and means constipation?

NNNNNNNNNNNN


Whats the fastest cake?
Scone







And some that may offend the easily offended...so don't say you haven't been warned!

What do you call a rabbit with a bent todger ?
****s Funny

What's blue and ***** old people?
Hypothermia.

Or alternatively :

What's blue and ***** old people?
Me, in my lucky blue jumper!

Richard Whitely has died of pneumonia - But at least it was a 9 letter word and did use all the vowels.



(All nicked from other forums )
 
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Old 30-11-2005, 01:23   #13 (permalink)
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Not as funny as the 'shits and giggles' though!

Not sure what Jewel means about the 1 per month out of a 12 pack - I wear swimming trunks in the bath to stop me looking down on the unemployed...
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Old 30-11-2005, 01:35   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catdaddy
Not as funny as the 'shits and giggles' though!
That, I will agree with.

Jewel...consider that phrase duly stolen by me
 
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Old 30-11-2005, 10:48   #15 (permalink)
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Posted this before, but just in case anyone missed it, this one always makes me chuckle......

"My wife can't wrestle, but you should see her box"
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Old 30-11-2005, 10:56   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DJW
"My wife can't wrestle, but you should see her box"
To which the obvious reply is 'Already have'...
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Old 30-11-2005, 11:42   #17 (permalink)
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:icon_eek: Touche
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Old 30-11-2005, 17:49   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catdaddy
To which the obvious reply is 'Already have'...

Oh my! Doesn't that cross the line of some man code or something. Tsk tsk
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Old 30-11-2005, 18:08   #19 (permalink)
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why are pirates pirates...?










cos they AARRRRRRRRRRRR :coat:
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Old 30-11-2005, 18:18   #20 (permalink)
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lol. :headshake:
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Old 30-11-2005, 18:20   #21 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jewel
Oh my! Doesn't that cross the line of some man code or something. Tsk tsk
Sorry Jewel - didn't mean to offend! The box in question was lovely. Anyway, might have been on about a cardboard box containing lovely camera equipment or something... :backpedal: :backpedal:

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Old 30-11-2005, 18:26   #22 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catdaddy
Sorry Jewel - didn't mean to offend! The box in question was lovely. Anyway, might have been on about a cardboard box containing lovely camera equipment or something... :backpedal: :backpedal:


I'm just yanking your chain. :lol: no worries, it's all good!
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Old 01-12-2005, 09:31   #23 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by noah
why are pirates pirates...?










cos they AARRRRRRRRRRRR :coat:


Brilliant!
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Old 01-12-2005, 16:37   #24 (permalink)
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This one is a bit sick but funny


Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire."
The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.
That night over dinner, the first man tells his story: "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"
The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and I had sex with her in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."
"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get a blow job, too?"
"Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head."
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Old 01-12-2005, 16:40   #25 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ASH
This one is a bit sick but funny


Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire."
The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.
That night over dinner, the first man tells his story: "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"
The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and I had sex with her in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."
"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get a blow job, too?"
"Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head."

....
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Old 01-12-2005, 17:32   #26 (permalink)
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yes your right, that's just sick! but I did laugh
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