[Dabhand16]

As most people found the recent Air Traffic Control thread amusing, I thought I'd post this rather old similar item. Apologies if you have seen them, but they make me smile.

After every civil flight, the pilot completes a 'gripe sheet' to tell the ground crew of any faults found during the flight. The ground crew sort out the problem and leave a note on the pro-forma as to the action taken.

These are some examples of these pro-formas.

P=Problem logged by pilot
S=Solution and action taken by ground crew.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed in this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet/minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they are for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in off mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you are right.

P: No three engine missing.
S: No three engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straigten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Re-programmed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[nichpr]

I love it........

- Paul

[Rob Barron]

ROFL, brilliant