[daveyuk]

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and
run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better.

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse 2004.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which cant be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact
that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

Help requested

Old but it still makes you smile

[stepheno]

[Joseph McGarraghy]

[Rob Barron]

LOL, I first saw this about 5 years ago and haven't seen it since so thanks Davey, have been hoping to get a copy of it to print out :o)

Funny as it definitely is, sadly it is also true that these things are invariably written by men about women. So, I though I'd balance this up, not by writing about women by men (I haven't become a woman over night, that's just a maliscious rumour!) but by writing the same sort of thing which my wife could easily write concerning her Husband Version 1.0.

Cheers,
Rob


'Dear Tech Support,

I have been hoping to make contact with you via email for some time but unfortunately my computer is usually inaccessible, ironically due to the problem I need help with.

Almost 20 years ago now I was proud to have discovered boyfriend 2.0 who was the successor to boyfriend 1.0 which I had used previously but after many technical issues I deleted from my system completely and swore never to install another version. Several years passed prior to Boyfriend 2.0 suddenly being discovered as newly available even though I was certainly not looking for it.

I think the first few days of owning Boyfriend 2.0 went by in a bit of a blur as it seemed to be everything I had ever wanted. Of course, it took a while before I allowed myself to move up from the software version to the hardware version but then I found myself using that regularly and being perfectly satisfied.

The version I had, I can honestly say, quite fallen in love with soon become the one I declared would be mine forever and sealed that with a solemn promise. I upgraded sooner than I ever thought sensible, just 4 months after original purchase, and have been using Husband V1.o ever since. I can honestly say I have never considered an upgrade and never would. Sure, there are quite a few bugs in this version, increasingly so it seems as it is getting older: It boots up at the most inopportune moments and insists on attention as soon as it is ready. I have tried ignoring it but soon the error messages start. The last message, when I got all nostalgic and thought back to my days with Boyfriend 2.0, said:

'You are trying to access a memory module no longer in use. Please contact your original retailer for help.'

How can I do that? I clearly remember where I got this version but I can't expect a replacement after all this time! Indeed, whenever I question anything that this version now asks, I am left with the patronising message: 'Are you sure you want to do that?' When I click on 'Yes' it just shuts down and returns to a dormant state again.

The thing is, I still love this version and wouldn't swap it for the world though I would be delighted if it took up less of my time with mundane tasks (it insists on everything being cleaned regularly but seems incapable of actually doing anything to help!) and was free to do more of what I originally got it for. Occasionally I can turn the sound off for a while, apart from irregular but persistent bleeps for attention now and again, but I have noticed longer droning noises as it has got older and I am not sure if its built-in power supply can meet all my needs. Indeed, I sometimes wonder if this version has such a short-term memory chip that it can no longer keep track of what it is supposed to do.

Don't get me wrong, I have had good service from this product and Boyfriend 3 is something I long since ever thought about trying. I know there are lots of adverts for Lover 1.0 which seek to tempt me into a purchase but I have resisted this on the basis that as old and decrepit as Husband 1.0 is getting, trying to fit Lover 1.0 into my schedule without causing a major crash of Husband 1.0 would be beyond even my multi-tasking abilities.

I know Husband 1.0's hardware is not as functional as it was but then it is less demanding than it used to be (I wouldn't mind it being a bit more spontaneous at times mind) and it has always met my needs as much as I could have hoped for, sometimes more. Husband 1.0 has many faults, it doesn't self-clean, it doesn't remember where it has stored things and it sometimes loses its memory at important times of the year but it has some important points that people who rush into purchasing Lover 2.0 or even seek to replace Husband 1.0 with Toyboy 1.1 should remember: Good hardware is never supplied with a lifetime guarantee but it will always have memories that will reassure you that it is always there when you need it.

One thing I do know for sure, my Husband 1.0 is never going to be a spare part, it will often have both memory and function problems but it will always be MINE :o)

Yours sincerely,
A contended user.'

[Joseph McGarraghy]

Hi Rob,

This would go down well in Mills & Boon.

[fionaB]

i am sure you lot just have WAY too much time on your hands! lolol

Fi ( proud ex-owner of husband 1.1 AND 1.2 and neither lived up to their description in the manual........ had to go to trading standards for false advertising! )

[Rob Barron]

Originally Posted by fionaB

i am sure you lot just have WAY too much time on your hands! lolol

Fi ( proud ex-owner of husband 1.1 AND 1.2 and neither lived up to their description in the manual........ had to go to trading standards for false advertising! )

You know, I very much doubt I could survive being taken to court under the sale of goods act if I was accused of not being the husband I promised to be. My wife has been everything I ever hoped and then some so I definitely got the best part of the bargain! Funny thing though, she thinks she did! Oh well, all I can say is there are plenty of fish in the sea but I've caught the one I want. I've got the best so you can keep the rest :o)

Cheers,
Rob

ROFL, I can hear everybody reaching for the buckets even as I type

[fionaB]

nope i think its nice to see a guy really saying what they feel!!!!!

i know if i was married it would be third time lucky but we are happy as we are and do NOT want to spoil things but getting married....although my son years ago said he wanted us to get married so he could be a paper boy.................hehehe i think he meant a page boy!

Fi

[Rob Barron]

The most important thing Fi is that you and Alan are happy and your son feels as much part of a family as anyone else so I am pleased for you. Just remember though, if you decide to get married when your lad is 15, he will NOT take kindly to being a page boy.... and even being a paper boy might be less than his ambitions aspire to LOL.

Cheers,
Rob

[fionaB]

LOL never a week goes by that he doesnt ask us to get married....... his latest is one is that he wants a new nick name and he reckon that if i marry Alan then he can use alans name.being Jones, he can then be called Indiana Jones.............. I have NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO idea where he gets his madness from............HONEST!

Fi

[Rob Barron]

LOL, think we might know <g> If you want to shut him up, tell him you're going to marry Alan and change your sons name to 'Aled' :o)

Just think, you can annoy him every day over Christmas with a rendition of 'We're walking in the air....'

Rob

[fionaB]

YouTube - Irn Bru Snowman Advert

here ya go!