Its a bloke thing!!

Madpup · 02-02-2006, 17:49

01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at the
footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only
it is permissible.

02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. one hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.

03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed
and eaten by his mates.

04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 12 hours.

05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is
forbidden. However Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly
optional.

08: on a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel...and it's free.

12: only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
to kick another bloke in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or
LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours,
except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:

a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime,
green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of
story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics.
Ever.

29: You should always dip into your extremely deep pockets to buy your
mates a pint, even if there are more than two of them present!

30: Real men with any self respect would use their own toilet where
ever possible, rather than 'hover' over a dirty one on a train.

31: If you are going to fart in the immediate vicinity of your mates,
do it loudly so that they can hear it and prepare to move away.

***Dave*** · 02-02-2006, 17:53

LOL...#13 cracked me up

Warspite · 02-02-2006, 18:01

ROFL - Definately some truths there

CT · 02-02-2006, 18:08

LOL Funny!

jewel · 02-02-2006, 18:13

hilarious!

Mr THX · 02-02-2006, 18:16

Jesus after this and DJW's post I'm nearly in tears...............

mrgubby · 02-02-2006, 18:40

No.23 , does that mean that I've got to hang up as soon as my wife phones me

Joe T · 02-02-2006, 18:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrgubby

No.23 , does that mean that I've got to hang up as soon as my wife phones me

Yup

Marianne · 02-02-2006, 19:05

ha ha.....

jewel · 02-02-2006, 19:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrgubby

No.23 , does that mean that I've got to hang up as soon as my wife phones me

gee, what a lucky gal,lol

Gemok · 02-02-2006, 23:15

I'm sure there are more that can be added
like
In the bathroom whenever possible leave at least one urinal between you and the next man.

3 pairs of shoes is enough for anyone

At the begining of febuary start building the ground work for a fight with your girlfriend so you can be on "a break" over valentines day and thus avoid having to buy any presents

When shopping follow this routine. Go to a shop that sells what you want, buy it, go home. Do not browse, window shop or try on things you no intention of buying

ASH · 03-02-2006, 15:25

[quote=Madpup]01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at the
footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only
it is permissible.QUOTE]

I prefer my pie wet.

Madpup · 03-02-2006, 18:10

Ash thats cos its always raining in Wales

jewel · 03-02-2006, 18:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by Madpup

Ash thats cos its always raining in Wales

I don't think that's what he meant

correct me if I'm wrong tho......

ASH · 03-02-2006, 18:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by jewel

I don't think that's what he meant

correct me if I'm wrong tho......

You know what they say. It's not the mouth it comes out of, but the mind it goes into.

stevegreen · 04-02-2006, 16:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Madpup

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of
story.

GfK · 05-02-2006, 11:52

Quote:

02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
d. one hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

LOL I hear ya

(Haven't actually timed it but I've a fair idea what its referring to!)

02-02-2006, 17:49	#1 (permalink)
Madpup Getting Comfy Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 176	Its a bloke thing!! 01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at the footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only it is permissible. 02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances: a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master. b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. c. After wrecking your boss' car. d. one hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". e. When she is using her teeth. 03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates. 04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. 06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. 08: on a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. 11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free. 12: only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts. 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both that's just greedy. 19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding sx pending your response. 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a. Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c. Another set and we can hit the showers! 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sx with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs. 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue. 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story. 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. 29: You should always dip into your extremely deep pockets to buy your mates a pint, even if there are more than two of them present! 30: Real men with any self respect would use their own toilet where ever possible, rather than 'hover' over a dirty one on a train. 31: If you are going to fart in the immediate vicinity of your mates, do it loudly so that they can hear it and prepare to move away. __________________ Canon 300D, Sigma 100-300, Canon 35-105, Canon 18-55, Tamron 28-300, speedlite 550EX, over 150 cokin filters(Never used)

02-02-2006, 23:15	#11 (permalink)
Gemok Getting Comfy Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 245	I'm sure there are more that can be added like In the bathroom whenever possible leave at least one urinal between you and the next man. 3 pairs of shoes is enough for anyone At the begining of febuary start building the ground work for a fight with your girlfriend so you can be on "a break" over valentines day and thus avoid having to buy any presents When shopping follow this routine. Go to a shop that sells what you want, buy it, go home. Do not browse, window shop or try on things you no intention of buying __________________ My Site - www.cashton.co.uk My stuff Fuji E900 Kyocera M410r (prosumer type thing) Some old P&S (inc one with a whopping 1.4 megapixels) :icon_eek:

02-02-2006, 17:53	#2 (permalink)
*Dave* Pixalo Crew Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 15,622	LOL...#13 cracked me up

02-02-2006, 18:01	#3 (permalink)
Warspite Feet under the table Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Newcastle Sunderland Middlesbrough (UK) Posts: 1,736	ROFL - Definately some truths there

02-02-2006, 18:08	#4 (permalink)
CT Feet under the table Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: West Mids UK Posts: 3,500	LOL Funny!

02-02-2006, 18:13	#5 (permalink)
jewel Forum Regular Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 1,133	hilarious!

02-02-2006, 18:16	#6 (permalink)
Mr THX Getting Comfy Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Barnsley Posts: 177	Jesus after this and DJW's post I'm nearly in tears...............

02-02-2006, 18:40	#7 (permalink)
mrgubby Been here a while Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Hertfordshire Posts: 328	No.23 , does that mean that I've got to hang up as soon as my wife phones me

02-02-2006, 19:05	#9 (permalink)
Marianne Been here a while Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Cambridgeshire Posts: 326	ha ha.....

03-02-2006, 15:25	#12 (permalink)
ASH Getting Comfy Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 145	[quote=Madpup]01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at the footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only it is permissible.QUOTE] I prefer my pie wet.

03-02-2006, 18:10	#13 (permalink)
Madpup Getting Comfy Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 176	Ash thats cos its always raining in Wales