[Dave]

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

David Bissonette


When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her.
Sacha Guitry


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just
can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Hemant Joshi


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates


Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Dumas


The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What
does a woman want?

Sigmund Freud


I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Anonymous


"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

Henry Youngman


"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

Sam Kinison


"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage."

James Holt McGavran


"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second
one didn't."

Patrick Murray


Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit
it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Nash


The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once...

Anonymous


You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman


My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield


A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Milton Berle


Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Anonymous


A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."

Anonymous


First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

[Dave]

Come on then ladies....have you a "Take my Husband" version

[Angela]

Here's one or two for starters.....

MENtal anxiety! MENstrual cramps! MENopause! Don't you notice that all our problems begin with MEN!

never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli

[Dave]

[Gary Bagshawe]

Marriage is a ceremony which uses 2 rings,
1 to go on the ladies finger and another to go through the gentlemans nose!!!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Gary Bagshawe

Marriage is a ceremony which uses 2 rings,
1 to go on the ladies finger and another to go through the gentlemans nose!!!

Oh...it's meant to go through his nose!?

[jockwav]

ROFL.

[Rob Barron]

Not that I agree with any of these but...

'Marriage is a wonderful institution but who wants to live in an institution?'
Groucho Marx

'Men have many faults, women only two.
Everything they say and everything they do!'

'Marriage is like a self-service restaurant, you get what you want but when you see what your mate's having you want some of that as well!'

What are the three fastest ways to get a message around?
1. Telegraph
2. Telephone
3. Tellawoman


'A nagging wife is like a dripping tap!'
.
.
.
want to know where that is a quote from?.
.
.
.
Yup!
.
.
.
.
The Bible!!! (Proverbs 19 v 13)

Cheers,
Rob

[jewel]

oh come on boys, you couldn't live without us if you tried.



jewel

[Dave]

Oh we do try ...only joshing...love my missus to bits